March 29, 2006

Jeebus said sit down and shut up!

Ah, a virtual treasure trove of shaming those nasty young women who think they have the right to be sexual or have opinions -- and, of course, it's a shaming in the name of Jeebus. Everyone knows there's nothing he hates more than the female orgasm! Be sure to check out the rest of the site; that 'letter' from 'Christian Guys' complaining about having to (the horror!) be attracted to women is really funny. You see, men are physiologically determined to treat women as nothing more than objects of desire whenever they can see any of the skin between their neck and knees (or ankles ... or below the neck ... or something). This is why it's not a guy's fault when he's addressing your cleavage rather than your face. You put it there, he HAD to stare! (That rhymes, so it must be true.)

Note to self: Write post explaining what is so fucking mysterious about cleavage that it causes men to stare and even drool a little.

Note to self II: Figure out what is so fucking mysterious about cleavage that it causes men to stare and even drool a little.

Anyways: it's blockquote time!

A real woman ...

…does not wallow in self-pity or make a habit of voicing complaints, but radiates cheerfulness and joy. (Proverbs 15:15, Proverbs 17:22)

…appreciates her father’s protection, and respects and submits to his authority. In so doing, she is preparing herself to exercise the Biblical role in her relationship with a possible future husband. (Ephesians 5:33-6:3, 1 Peter 3:1-2)

…does not have a nagging, contentious or manipulative manner in which she deals with others. (Judges 16:16, Proverbs 21:9, 19, 26:21)

…is not boisterous or loud in her speech or actions but is characterized by a gentle and quiet spirit. (Proverbs 9:13, 1 Peter 3:4)

…is not offended by respect shown her through gentlemanly courtesies (opening doors, etc.) but cultivates the differences between the sexes that make her worthy of this deference. (1 Peter 3:7, Mark 10:6)

I never knew the Bible forbade women from opening doors. You learn something new every day.

…seeks to make God her number one desire and the Lover of her soul, knowing that only He can fully satisfy. (Psalm 73:25, Psalm 63:1)

Go ahead, snicker like you're 12. I did. "Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh Jeeeeeebussss".

…does not relate to members of the opposite sex in a flirtatious or forward manner, but instead saves all her passion for her future husband. (Thessalonians 4:3-8, Proverbs 6:25, 1 Corinthians 7:1)

…holds her virginity before marriage sacred and will not compromise it for anything. (This one goes for guys too)
(1 Timothy 5:22)

Guys, of course, are still allowed to flirt, stare at cleavage, and receive blowjobs. It's just girls who aren't allowed to have orgasms.

And the best part ... check out the writer's interests (on her blogger profile): "Learning to run a household and be a helpmeet".

Excelsior! (Poll: Should I sign all of my posts with 'Excelsior!'?)


Anonymous said...

yes you definitely should sign all your posts with excelsior! and it has to have an exclamation point EVERY TIME. ^_^

MosBen said...

1. I'm torn on the Excelsior! issue. On the one hand, I think it's cool. On the other hand, it's cool because it belongs to Stan "The Man" Lee. I'm not sure if using his signature exclamation dilutes its value or, as a tribute to him, shows respect. I'll tentatively side with supporting its use.

2. Cleavage. Obviously, drooling like a base animal is not something I support, but I completely understand the mystery of cleavage. You see, cleavage shows part of a pair of breasts, and generally hetero men like to see breasts. Granted, again, generally this is taken to a rather rediculous extreme. Still, however, there's nothing mysterious about why most hetero men find cleavage attractive.