August 27, 2004

If Any Life Could Be Summed Up In A Pop-Up Book...

Man, I must admit I feel somewhat bad for just ripping off Salon for my posts today, but I'm both drinking and lazy, so you get what you pay for, which is nothing you cheap lousy bastards. All three of you...

So anyway, Paris Hilton needs more money, so she's "written" a memoir. For the record, Paris is as old as my younger sister and I'm not exactly "old" (except by kiddy porn standards), but be that as it may, it seems her life needs summing up already. Now let's set aside the fact that when compared to other recently released memoirs like, oh I don't know, Bill Clinton's, nothing, and I mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING important has either happened or been done by Paris Hilton outside of the bedroom under the close watch of a night vision camara, this bit caught me:

"I don't always want the glamorous, jet-set life. Let's face it, I've done
it. Someday soon, I want to have children and a big house with a lot of animals
-- like my parents had."

SHE WANTS TO HAVE KIDS!!! Ignore the fact that she's younger than me and is saying that someday soon she wants to be a mother. Here's what I want you to do: watch an episode of That Simple Life. Any episode, it doesn't matter. Take into account that her being stupid is a selling point for the show so the producers are likely editing it to fit that meme. Then decide if you, in the role of Child Services, would ever, EVER, let her keep and raise a child. I'd hardly let her keep a tamagochi.


Noumena said...

Is she as old as your younger sister, or older than you?

And you claim the drinking makes your posts better?

MosBen said...

Geez, one mistake and you're all over me. It's fixed, alright?